Sometimes I think I function a little bit better when I’ve had my first glass of the bubbly.
It loosens my inhibitions just a little, allowing me to think more freely and talk more eloquently.
I know I may come off as an alcoholic when I say this, but sometimes I wish offices give beer breaks in lieu of cigarette breaks for those who aren’t smokers.
Anyhow, seeing that we’re in Indonesia where women smokers are often frowned upon, so I think the beer break wish is not going to happen anytime soon. But anyway sometimes I get the next best thing : my lunch break.
You see, a lunch break is only as good as the company you spend it with. You can eat a four course meal and yet leave the table feeling as hollow as a drum if you dine alone or worse, dining with someone you barely know.
In my first year at this office, I was one of the very few young people. The other few are several years older than me, with a background so pristine they could be nuns. These are the prim and proper young ladies of the world, who speak gently and curtsey while they’re speaking (ok, this is an exaggeration, but you get the point).
These ladies hang out and have lunch with the elderly matrons. They talk about children, gossip and almost nothing else. I only endured lunching with them for several weeks, and at the point of dozing off during conversations, I often chose to go alone. To bookstores, salons, massages or browsing the net at my desk.
But several months after, there were more and more people my age joining the department. So slowly but sure we built a tiny revolution.
We talk about nothing important, we vent and laugh our asses off, and we *gasp* have fun.
However trivial it may seem to you, but lunching with these people may be the single thing that keeps me sane and grounded during weekdays.
These corporate drones who had to give up big dreams because well, dreams don’t pay the bills, do they?
In a couple of years we may turn out to be the group that lunches while talking about diapers, but hey, let’s enjoy the ride -while it lasts.
Sepuluh ribu kunang-kunang terbang di gelap malam
Perkenalkan, kelam : ini cahaya
…Inikah bingkisan dari mentari untuk kawan yang lama tak sua?
Satu satu kunang-kunang menari bersama kelam
Sebelum cahaya kadaluwarsa, meredup lalu padam
…Inikah kenangan dari semesta untuk diri yang lama tak pendar?
-13 Oktober 2009
On September 30th 2009, an earthquake of 7,6 Richter Scale magnitude hit the Indonesian city of Padang, Sumatera Barat.
The aftermath was simply devastating. Many buildings collapsed, trapping a lot of people inside. The mortality count is currently nearing 500, only 3 days after the incident. Rescue workers are still on the lookout for more survivors, but the prospect is rather bleak as most have been trapped under the rubble for several days without food or water.
Lately, Indonesia has seen far more of its share of natural disasters, with earthquakes being the most frequent. Java, Bali, Celebes and Sumatera have all experienced earthquakes with magnitudes above 5 on the Richter Scale.
Some people connects the occurence to the predicted 2012 apocalypse, calling it the signs of the end of days and the result of mankind’s declining morals. Thus, they say that we need to be more diligent in our prayers to stop all these disasters from getting any worse.
Some people say this is the result of global warming, and man’s irresponsible exploitation and complete disregard for nature. That it’s a punishment for mankind, it’s going to go further downhill from here and there’s nothing we can do about it.
I personally believe that this is simply nature being itself. That the universe is just working as it always has.
However, attributing the cause of this disaster to nature doesn’t mean that we should forget or even give less regard for it.
We are the guardians of planet earth, and therefore we are to some extent also responsible for everything that happens on it.
Maybe the earthquake wasn’t the problem, but rather because we were too unprepared for it. Indonesia is a country more than half a century old, with a history of kingdoms centuries old, and we have known for ages that this location has a large potential of eartjquakes. And yet, buildings aren’t required to fulfill the certain prerequisites needed to withstand earthquakes. Maybe the devastation should be attributed to us, because we have become too greedy and disconnected from our fellow man. Government projects are finished with inferior quality because the funds are embezzled by officials, or building project budgets marked up and largely allocated to the builders instead of for purchase of high quality materials. We sometimes focus more on the aesthetics of a building instead of it’s safety, preferring form over function. But it is not too late to change. It is never too late.
The school of life requires us all to learn from each and every day. As long as we are still alive, there is always still something that we can do to make our lives -and the world- a better place. It may seem utopic and unattainable, but we might as well try anyway.
Right now, our fellow man needs us. And everything we do to help, every little effort, counts. No action is too insignificant, no donation too small.
Let’s remind ourselves that beneath the exterior of the callous and robotic proletarian salaryman, there is a human being. It is no longer every man for themselves, for no man is an island.
The problem of self editing in this article truly shows what I’m going through the past few weeks.
Just like every other craft in the world, the secret of being a good writer is…practice. Just keep spewing those random train of thoughts that go through my tiny cramped brain, praying reaaal hard it will somehow be comprehensible enough to a human being.
Well of course imagination, ingenuity, a damn good topic, a fresh point of view and a story telling style that captivates the reader will also prove to be indispensable to good writing. But alas, I have got a really long road to go. Come on, write write write!!! I may be spamming this blog with uninteresting snippets of mundane everyday life, or half developed opinions on some issue, please just bear with me readers (are there any actual readers out there?).
You know what I need? A mentor! You know, the authority figure that will show me gently & lovingly the error of my ways thus far, the one that will selflessly cultivate my craft to perfection, making red circles on my drafts, and giving me chores of scrubbing the floors so I can learn about the importance of process instead of focusing on the end product (starting to sound like karate kid?)
Okay stop already with the daydream. Just practice.
Each and every day in life, we meet the chance of getting hurt. It’s something not to be avoided. It can’t be avoided, as it is an essential process in life itself. I believe that when something doesn’t kill us, it makes us stronger. Adversity is the thing that allows us -or rather, force us- to grow as a person.
However, I tend to look at pain differently when it happens to someone else. And when I am the source of that pain.
Being a very outspoken person, I always speak my mind. That is what you call assertive.
On the flip side, I also always speak my heart out. THAT, may often prove to be abrasive, especially when done at the height of emotional turmoil and not granted with the privilege of self constraint.
Although I may not have any intention to hurt, but there is no denying the fact that someone got hurt. Just like a papercut. As small or minuscule it may seem to me, but the pain is real to that person.
As my lecturer in college once said,
when it comes to feelings, there are no rights or wrongs
So I’d have to say, the only thing wrong in this situation …… is me.
I don’t think a band aid’s going to do the trick
Belakangan ini, mulai rajin nulis-nulisin blog lagi. Gak terlalu penting isinya, tapi yang penting nulis. Soalnya buat saya nulis itu jadi sarana untuk refleksi (bukan pijet releksi, jadi jangan bayangkan saya lagi mijit-mijit jempol kaki pake keyboard yah). Setelah seharian ngurusin orang lain (mulai dari urusan kantor, pacar, keluarga, temen, dll) kayaknya butuh banget aja waktu berdialog sama diri sendiri.
Soalnya yah saya merasa dalam keseharian itu kita udah menjadi robot-robot kota (meminjam istilah si papah dalam salah satu lagunya), terkadang udah disetel automatic mode, jadi kita melakukan segala sesuatunya tanpa benar-benar berpikir. Jadi di akhir hari rasanya sangat perlu mengingat kembali apa saja yang terjadi hari itu, dan memaknainya dengan sungguh-sungguh. Diolah dulu lewat sel abu-abu. Satu lagi usaha untuk menemui makna diri di dunia ![]()
Makin sering nulis jadi makin sering juga blogwalking dan baca blog-blog orang lain. Terus pastinya jadi membandingkan sama blog sendiri. Iri deh ih, sama blog-blog yang udah jelas konsepnya sehingga bener-bener terlihat utuh sebagai satu kesatuan.
Sedangkan blog saya? Di sana-sini terlalu banyak topik dan kategori bertebaran, belum tentu nyambung satu sama lainnya. Ada yang bahasa inggris, bahasa indonesia yang baik & benar, bahasa indonesia yang gak baik & gak benar, bahasa-bahasa (sok) puitis yang mungkin cuma saya aja yang ngerti, bahasa planet mungkin juga ada. Ada yang serius-serius reflektif gimanaaaa gitu, ada yang sok-sok kritik sosial, ada yang sama sekali gak penting. Haduuuuhhhhh…
Judulnya aja udah gak relevan. Nonsense and a cup of cake, karena dibikin waktu jaman masih semangat juang 45 bikin-bikin cupcake. Sekarang cuma nonsense aja yang masih berjalan, tapi cupcakenya ngadat.
Jadi?
Gak tau ah…
Hari ini lewat link dari seorang teman di twitter menemukan website kece tentang blogging
Disana cukup banyak pembahasan tentang blogging yang baik dan benar, dimana salah satunya adalah pertanyaan : apakah anda blogging dengan tujuan tertentu?
mmmhhh… saya punya sih tujuan, untuk katarsis ajah hihihihi…
Apa ini artinya saya nggak mau punya blog yang dibaca banyak orang? Mau. Tapi mungkin suatu saat nanti aja. Kalau udah ada hal-hal penting selain luapan-luapan emosi ataupun produk tidak sempurna dari kontemplasi sesaat, yang cukup penting untuk dibaca khalayak ramai.
Sekarang? Puas dengan begini aja deh…
Mungkin bisa dibilang tidak bertanggung jawab kepada pembaca. Tapi berhubung nggak ada pembacanya, jadi dimaklumi kaaannnn?
Tampaknya emak bapak saya udah nggak sabar ingin punya cucu. Beberapa kali hal ini disinggung dan sekian kali pula saya menanggapinya dengan cengar-cengir ala kura-kura dalam perahu (pura-pura tidak tahu).
Hasrat mereka semakin kentara ketika keluarga kami memutuskan mengadopsi seekor kucing kampung (sebenarnya si kucing itu yang secara sepihak dan semena-mena mendeklarasikan bahwa rumah kami = rumah dia).
Kucing ini secara khusus memang bukan orang kucing asing bagi kami. Kalau masih ingat cerita di posting sebelumnya tentang tem, bubu, kunkun + mamahnya, kucing sok asik ini adalah si kunkun dalam cerita tersebut. Jadi memang dia cukup sering main ke rumah, dan disambut dengan cukup ramah oleh segenap anggota keluarga.
Lama kelamaan dia keenakan. Setiap jam makan entah mengapa dia selalu sukses nongol di bawah meja makan (cerdasnyaaa kucing ini). Ikut nonton tv sama prt di rumah saya. Bahkan dia suka iseng nyelisip2 masuk lemari.
Kucing ini tidak sepenuhnya nggak tau diri sih. Sesekali dia ‘membalas budi’ dengan caranya sendiri : menangkap tikus. Diletakkannya tikus yang sudah almarhum itu, terkapar di luar rumah, seperti mau bilang “ini upah kalian untuk ngasih makan saya 2 minggu ke depan”.
Oke, mulai ngelantur. Apa hubungannya pengen punya cucu sama kucing ajaib? Karenaaaa sejak jaman dahulu kala ibu saya itu paling anti sama makhluk bernama kucing. Tapi kucing ini direlakannya tidur di kamar bapak ibu saya, seperti anak bayi.
Dan secinta2nya bapak saya sama kucing, nggak pernah sampai dia rela MENCUCIKAN PIRING MAKANAN SI KUCING. Bahkan piring makanan miliknya sendiri nggak pernah dicuci sama bapak saya.
Tau kan bagaimana kakek nenek itu selalu bangga sama hal2 paling kecil yang dilakukan cucunya? Bahkan ketika cucunya pup di atas baju kakek neneknya yang paling mahal pun bagi mereka adalah sesuatu yang sangat menggemaskan. “Ih opa opa liat deh si schaatje pup di atas baju oma yang Prada. Pinter banget sih maunya pup di atas barang mahal. Cucu siapa dulu dooong”. Gitu kali kira2 pembicaraannya ya.
Bapak ibu saya punya reaksi yang sama pada si kunkun. Setiap kali temperamen bapak saya agak kumat, atau ibu saya lagi bete di kantor, cerita2 kecil mengenai kenakalan si kunkun di hari itu selalu sukses membuat mereka tersenyum kembali.
Teman saya bilang “wah, ndied, beneran pengen cucu itu artinya”. Astaganaga. Matilah saya.
Selain saya sering mati gaya di depan anak kecil, rasanya lahir bathin kok ya belum siap untuk memunculkan andied-andied kecil di dunia ini.
Saya masih terlalu egois dan terlalu apatis. Gimana mau ngajarin anaknya kalau ibunya juga belum (sepenuhnya) matang?
Jadi ma, pa, berapa ekor kucing yang kalian mau (sambil menunggu)?
I’m like a bird.
Not in the sense that I’m free to fly wherever I want, whenever I want. But rather in the sense that I’m so easily distracted by pretty shiny colorful things.
I’m kind of a bird brain, really.
Would that be a good thing?
Bulan puasa katanya momentum kita untuk berempati sama sesama, terutama mereka yang kurang beruntung.
Setiap hari laper-laperan, haus-hausan, lemes tapi tetap harus beraktivitas, tetap harus sabar. Padahal jelas-jelas yang namanya manusia kalau kebutuhan pokok gak terpenuhi jadi ekstra uring-uringan. Kesentil dikit mau ngamuk, kesenggol dikit mau bacok.
Ideal banget dunia kaya gitu, yang semua orang bisa menahan nafsu, lempeeeng aja. Sabaaaar aja. Padahal gw aja lagi gak puasa, dari tadi disentil dikit langsung keluar cakarnya. Graaaooowww!!! Susye bener ya jadi orang baik.
Belum lagi godaan-godaan abu-abu macam iri hati, mau menang sendiri, ngomongin orang, yang tipis batasnya. Kita gak sadar tiba2 udah bikin dosa aja. Mulainya ngobrolin film lama2 ngomongin artisnya, pertamanya ngebahas si x udah sukses lama2 mulai ngomongin si x nya. Sullllliiiitttt.
Masalah si dosa bernama iri ini gw belakangan sering banget tuh. Gara-gara baca blognya satu eneng manis dengan kisah manisnya bersama pacar (sekarang suami) yang juga alamakjan manisnya, suka iri hati. Karena mereka sangat manis. Sangat. Terlalu manis, kalo kata Slank.
Terus gw jadi suka pengen yang aneh-aneh. Kalau dikasih kejutan merahjambu kayak gini lucu kali ya. Nanti kejutannya beginibegitu, terus nanti ekspresi gw akan beginibegitu, terus nanti dia ngomong beginibegitu. Najis bener yak gue :p
Tapi kemudian suatu hari gw menemukan blog yang berkebalikan 180derajat sama blog manis teman saya. Disitu si empunya blog menceritakan dengan gamblang (bahkan menyebut nama asli) kisah percintaan dia dan pasangannya. Dan astaganagaaaaaa, bukan manis-manisnya. Bahkan sampai ke hal yang terlalu pribadi untuk dikonsumsi publik. Sampai pada titik dimana gw males bacanya karena gak tega. (Dan karena itu pula, blog itu gak akan gw link di sini).
Tapi gue pikir, mungkin aja pasangannya oke-oke aja dengan publikasi semacam itu. Mungkin aja itu masalah mereka yang sudah lewat dan sekarang mereka baik-baik saja. Mungkin aja mereka jadi sama manisnya dengan teman saya tadi.
Toh, saya (seharusnya) sadar, setiap pasangan memiliki dinamikanya sendiri-sendiri. Karena saya bukan anak yang manis (bahkan berbatas pada galak, judes, bergigi tajam dan berlidah lebih tajam), maka wajarlah kalau hari-hari saya juga tidak selalu dipenuhi merahjambu. Mungkin karena makhluk galak seperti saya akan semakin galak kalau dikasih yang manis-manis. Mungkin saya malah bisa kena diabetes kalau terlalu banyak dikasih yang manis-manis.
Atau mungkin saya terlalu asik berjudes-judes sampai lupa melihat yang merahjambu di hari itu. Gampang sekali memang lupa sama yang namanya syukur (Pak Syukur?). Gampang sekali take things for granted. Gampang sekali merasa bahwa semesta ada untuk memenuhi kebutuhan kita.
Ego manusia ya, memang paling keterlaluan. Ketika kita sebenarnya cuma satu dari sekian trilyun bentuk kehidupan di planet bumi. Satu dari entah berapa penghuni semesta. Kita pikir kita penting.
Okelah. Bulan puasa masih ada beberapa minggu. Yuk ah andied, jangan lupa bersyukur setiap harinya. Untuk setiap hirup nafas. Untuk setiap matahari terbit dan terbenam. Untuk setiap orang yang melengkapi jiwa tak sempurna ini.
Bersyukur : mulai!