The Trust Fund

Have you ever heard the analogy between friendship and a bank account? It’s all about give and take. When you do something nice for your friend, it’s your deposit. And each time you ask them for a favour, it’s a withdrawal. And like every bank account, this is something that you should keep in balance.
Trust is a little bit like that as well, only slightly more complex. The act of granting somebody else a favour, or doing something good, is not always enough to make somebody trust you. What’s more important is how they perceive the intentions behind your actions.
For example, during campaign season a politician usually organizes charity events. Does it make us trust them? Not really, because we know their intention is to gain more votes.
You see, trust is EARNED, not given. The word earned itself indicates that it is something that we work for. And mind you, our labours aren’t always fruitful.
The above wise words are often said by leadership figures. But as so often happens in our young and clueless country, the idea is always brilliant where the implementation always falls short of expectations.
In the past week there have been several proof of these words speaking louder than actions.
A prominent leader in a financial company (I’m not saying which company, let’s say it’s hypothetical) has just decided something that would for sure impact an external party’s trust to the organization. And damage the company’s reputation as well in the process. In risk management terms, it’s a name risk. The same leader, has previously insisted upon the importance of trust, saying loudly ‘Trust is Earned, not given’. When advised against the decision, the leader said it is a risk we can take.
Basically, between all the other types of risk (operational, financial, etc), I think that name risk is one of the hardest to manage. You can settle financial risk as long as you have the funds, you can handle operational risks with a good BRP, but name risks must be handled carefully and well planned. And as I said earlier, trust is about the other party’s PERCEPTION of the intentions behind your actions. So the ball is mainly in their court, not yours.
Add to that the fact that this is a financial institution we’re hypothetically talking about, in which trust is a very important element. You are trusting someone with your money, here.
On a larger scale, the country’s officials are right now doing their own dance of he said-she said.
The criminalization of anti corruption unit’s officials versus law enforcement systems who allegedly took part in the criminalizing attempts. I haven’t been really following the case but it seems that the people have lost almost all confidence in the government. Tragic, since the president was appointed only 2 weeks ago, as well as the cabinet.
And people talk. Even without proper and adequate information. As a nation that’s been fooled around and manipulated by the government for almost half a decade, we are slowly trying to believe in democracy once again. And we are, in my opinion, still learning to fully comprehend what democracy really is.
Democracy is not ultimate freedom. And of course rights come with obligations. The people of our nation nowadays always seem to be in a constant need to demand their rights, and yet forget about their obligations.
With the uprising of social media nowadays, people share their opinions and thoughts, and are frequently quoted without any underlying facts or further analysis. And the democracy newbies, in a euphoric trance, reacts emotionally and collectively, creating the potential of a chaotic social uprising much like the 98 riots.
So I’m really hoping the government comes through on this, and deliver their promises. Because if they don’t, their trust ‘fund’ in the people’s account might be seriously overdrawn.

26 Prajurit. Terlena.

Apalagi yang kupunya selain kata,
Sarana tunggal mencapai makna?
Tapi terkadang tak cukup aksara
mencakup, menerjemahkan; rasa…

26 prajurit tanpa daya, terpaku
Seketika bisu saat asa membeku
Perahu ini sekaligus belenggu
Bungkam anganku dan tumpul jiwaku

Semakin tipis sabarku di sandiwara akbar ini.
Aku ini mengejar mimpi, bukan pundi-pundi.
Sudah saatnya berhenti sembunyi,
tegakkan kepala dan berpindah sekoci.

Mari.

Lunch Break

Sometimes I think I function a little bit better when I’ve had my first glass of the bubbly.
It loosens my inhibitions just a little, allowing me to think more freely and talk more eloquently.
I know I may come off as an alcoholic when I say this, but sometimes I wish offices give beer breaks in lieu of cigarette breaks for those who aren’t smokers.
Anyhow, seeing that we’re in Indonesia where women smokers are often frowned upon, so I think the beer break wish is not going to happen anytime soon. But anyway sometimes I get the next best thing : my lunch break.
You see, a lunch break is only as good as the company you spend it with. You can eat a four course meal and yet leave the table feeling as hollow as a drum if you dine alone or worse, dining with someone you barely know.
In my first year at this office, I was one of the very few young people. The other few are several years older than me, with a background so pristine they could be nuns. These are the prim and proper young ladies of the world, who speak gently and curtsey while they’re speaking (ok, this is an exaggeration, but you get the point).
These ladies hang out and have lunch with the elderly matrons. They talk about children, gossip and almost nothing else. I only endured lunching with them for several weeks, and at the point of dozing off during conversations, I often chose to go alone. To bookstores, salons, massages or browsing the net at my desk.
But several months after, there were more and more people my age joining the department. So slowly but sure we built a tiny revolution.
We talk about nothing important, we vent and laugh our asses off, and we *gasp* have fun.
However trivial it may seem to you, but lunching with these people may be the single thing that keeps me sane and grounded during weekdays.
These corporate drones who had to give up big dreams because well, dreams don’t pay the bills, do they?
In a couple of years we may turn out to be the group that lunches while talking about diapers, but hey, let’s enjoy the ride -while it lasts.

Old Friends and New Beginnings

Sepuluh ribu kunang-kunang terbang di gelap malam
Perkenalkan, kelam : ini cahaya
…Inikah bingkisan dari mentari untuk kawan yang lama tak sua?

Satu satu kunang-kunang menari bersama kelam
Sebelum cahaya kadaluwarsa, meredup lalu padam
…Inikah kenangan dari semesta untuk diri yang lama tak pendar?

-13 Oktober 2009

We Tremble Not Of Fear

On September 30th 2009, an earthquake of 7,6 Richter Scale magnitude hit the Indonesian city of Padang, Sumatera Barat.
The aftermath was simply devastating. Many buildings collapsed, trapping a lot of people inside. The mortality count is currently nearing 500, only 3 days after the incident. Rescue workers are still on the lookout for more survivors, but the prospect is rather bleak as most have been trapped under the rubble for several days without food or water.
Lately, Indonesia has seen far more of its share of natural disasters, with earthquakes being the most frequent. Java, Bali, Celebes and Sumatera have all experienced earthquakes with magnitudes above 5 on the Richter Scale.
Some people connects the occurence to the predicted 2012 apocalypse, calling it the signs of the end of days and the result of mankind’s declining morals. Thus, they say that we need to be more diligent in our prayers to stop all these disasters from getting any worse.
Some people say this is the result of global warming, and man’s irresponsible exploitation and complete disregard for nature. That it’s a punishment for mankind, it’s going to go further downhill from here and there’s nothing we can do about it.
I personally believe that this is simply nature being itself. That the universe is just working as it always has.
However, attributing the cause of this disaster to nature doesn’t mean that we should forget or even give less regard for it.
We are the guardians of planet earth, and therefore we are to some extent also responsible for everything that happens on it.
Maybe the earthquake wasn’t the problem, but rather because we were too unprepared for it. Indonesia is a country more than half a century old, with a history of kingdoms centuries old, and we have known for ages that this location has a large potential of eartjquakes. And yet, buildings aren’t required to fulfill the certain prerequisites needed to withstand earthquakes. Maybe the devastation should be attributed to us, because we have become too greedy and disconnected from our fellow man. Government projects are finished with inferior quality because the funds are embezzled by officials, or building project budgets marked up and largely allocated to the builders instead of for purchase of high quality materials. We sometimes focus more on the aesthetics of a building instead of it’s safety, preferring form over function. But it is not too late to change. It is never too late.
The school of life requires us all to learn from each and every day. As long as we are still alive, there is always still something that we can do to make our lives -and the world- a better place. It may seem utopic and unattainable, but we might as well try anyway.
Right now, our fellow man needs us. And everything we do to help, every little effort, counts. No action is too insignificant, no donation too small.
Let’s remind ourselves that beneath the exterior of the callous and robotic proletarian salaryman, there is a human being. It is no longer every man for themselves, for no man is an island.

Lebaran Datang :)

Khilaf selalu ada, karena manusia tak sempurna.
Namun semoga Maaf yang juara atas ego kita.
Sebulan berlatih empati dan menahan nafsu diri,
bukan hanya untuk setahun sekali.

Semoga semangat Ramadhan terus mendorong kita untuk menang atas diri sendiri

Dan semoga suatu hari nanti saya bisa menemukan makna lebaran seutuhnya

practice makes perfect

The problem of self editing in this article truly shows what I’m going through the past few weeks.

Just like every other craft in the world, the secret of being a good writer is…practice. Just keep spewing those random train of thoughts that go through my tiny cramped brain, praying reaaal hard it will somehow be comprehensible enough to a human being.

Well of course imagination, ingenuity, a damn good topic, a fresh point of view and a story telling style that captivates the reader will also prove to be indispensable to good writing. But alas, I have got a really long road to go. Come on, write write write!!! I may be spamming this blog with uninteresting snippets of mundane everyday life, or half developed opinions on some issue, please just bear with me readers (are there any actual readers out there?).

You know what I need? A mentor! You know, the authority figure that will show me gently & lovingly the error of my ways thus far, the one that will selflessly cultivate my craft to perfection, making red circles on my drafts, and giving me chores of scrubbing the floors so I can learn about the importance of process instead of focusing on the end product (starting to sound like karate kid?)

Okay stop already with the daydream. Just practice.

papercut

Each and every day in life, we meet the chance of getting hurt. It’s something not to be avoided. It can’t be avoided, as it is an essential process in life itself. I believe that when something doesn’t kill us, it makes us stronger. Adversity is the thing that allows us -or rather, force us- to grow as a person.

However, I tend to look at pain differently when it happens to someone else. And when I am the source of that pain.
Being a very outspoken person, I always speak my mind. That is what you call assertive.
On the flip side, I also always speak my heart out. THAT, may often prove to be abrasive, especially when done at the height of emotional turmoil and not granted with the privilege of self constraint.
Although I may not have any intention to hurt, but there is no denying the fact that someone got hurt. Just like a papercut. As small or minuscule it may seem to me, but the pain is real to that person.

As my lecturer in college once said,

when it comes to feelings, there are no rights or wrongs

So I’d have to say, the only thing wrong in this situation …… is me.
I don’t think a band aid’s going to do the trick

Go Blog

Belakangan ini, mulai rajin nulis-nulisin blog lagi. Gak terlalu penting isinya, tapi yang penting nulis. Soalnya buat saya nulis itu jadi sarana untuk refleksi (bukan pijet releksi, jadi jangan bayangkan saya lagi mijit-mijit jempol kaki pake keyboard yah). Setelah seharian ngurusin orang lain (mulai dari urusan kantor, pacar, keluarga, temen, dll) kayaknya butuh banget aja waktu berdialog sama diri sendiri.
Soalnya yah saya merasa dalam keseharian itu kita udah menjadi robot-robot kota (meminjam istilah si papah dalam salah satu lagunya), terkadang udah disetel automatic mode, jadi kita melakukan segala sesuatunya tanpa benar-benar berpikir. Jadi di akhir hari rasanya sangat perlu mengingat kembali apa saja yang terjadi hari itu, dan memaknainya dengan sungguh-sungguh. Diolah dulu lewat sel abu-abu. Satu lagi usaha untuk menemui makna diri di dunia
Makin sering nulis jadi makin sering juga blogwalking dan baca blog-blog orang lain. Terus pastinya jadi membandingkan sama blog sendiri. Iri deh ih, sama blog-blog yang udah jelas konsepnya sehingga bener-bener terlihat utuh sebagai satu kesatuan.
Sedangkan blog saya? Di sana-sini terlalu banyak topik dan kategori bertebaran, belum tentu nyambung satu sama lainnya. Ada yang bahasa inggris, bahasa indonesia yang baik & benar, bahasa indonesia yang gak baik & gak benar, bahasa-bahasa (sok) puitis yang mungkin cuma saya aja yang ngerti, bahasa planet mungkin juga ada. Ada yang serius-serius reflektif gimanaaaa gitu, ada yang sok-sok kritik sosial, ada yang sama sekali gak penting. Haduuuuhhhhh…
Judulnya aja udah gak relevan. Nonsense and a cup of cake, karena dibikin waktu jaman masih semangat juang 45 bikin-bikin cupcake. Sekarang cuma nonsense aja yang masih berjalan, tapi cupcakenya ngadat.
Jadi?
Gak tau ah…

Hari ini lewat link dari seorang teman di twitter menemukan website kece tentang blogging
Disana cukup banyak pembahasan tentang blogging yang baik dan benar, dimana salah satunya adalah pertanyaan : apakah anda blogging dengan tujuan tertentu?
mmmhhh… saya punya sih tujuan, untuk katarsis ajah hihihihi…
Apa ini artinya saya nggak mau punya blog yang dibaca banyak orang? Mau. Tapi mungkin suatu saat nanti aja. Kalau udah ada hal-hal penting selain luapan-luapan emosi ataupun produk tidak sempurna dari kontemplasi sesaat, yang cukup penting untuk dibaca khalayak ramai.
Sekarang? Puas dengan begini aja deh…
Mungkin bisa dibilang tidak bertanggung jawab kepada pembaca. Tapi berhubung nggak ada pembacanya, jadi dimaklumi kaaannnn?

…PussyCAT doll

Tampaknya emak bapak saya udah nggak sabar ingin punya cucu. Beberapa kali hal ini disinggung dan sekian kali pula saya menanggapinya dengan cengar-cengir ala kura-kura dalam perahu (pura-pura tidak tahu).

Hasrat mereka semakin kentara ketika keluarga kami memutuskan mengadopsi seekor kucing kampung (sebenarnya si kucing itu yang secara sepihak dan semena-mena mendeklarasikan bahwa rumah kami = rumah dia).
Kucing ini secara khusus memang bukan orang kucing asing bagi kami. Kalau masih ingat cerita di posting sebelumnya tentang tem, bubu, kunkun + mamahnya, kucing sok asik ini adalah si kunkun dalam cerita tersebut. Jadi memang dia cukup sering main ke rumah, dan disambut dengan cukup ramah oleh segenap anggota keluarga.
Lama kelamaan dia keenakan. Setiap jam makan entah mengapa dia selalu sukses nongol di bawah meja makan (cerdasnyaaa kucing ini). Ikut nonton tv sama prt di rumah saya. Bahkan dia suka iseng nyelisip2 masuk lemari.
Kucing ini tidak sepenuhnya nggak tau diri sih. Sesekali dia ‘membalas budi’ dengan caranya sendiri : menangkap tikus. Diletakkannya tikus yang sudah almarhum itu, terkapar di luar rumah, seperti mau bilang “ini upah kalian untuk ngasih makan saya 2 minggu ke depan”.
Oke, mulai ngelantur. Apa hubungannya pengen punya cucu sama kucing ajaib? Karenaaaa sejak jaman dahulu kala ibu saya itu paling anti sama makhluk bernama kucing. Tapi kucing ini direlakannya tidur di kamar bapak ibu saya, seperti anak bayi.
Dan secinta2nya bapak saya sama kucing, nggak pernah sampai dia rela MENCUCIKAN PIRING MAKANAN SI KUCING. Bahkan piring makanan miliknya sendiri nggak pernah dicuci sama bapak saya.

Tau kan bagaimana kakek nenek itu selalu bangga sama hal2 paling kecil yang dilakukan cucunya? Bahkan ketika cucunya pup di atas baju kakek neneknya yang paling mahal pun bagi mereka adalah sesuatu yang sangat menggemaskan. “Ih opa opa liat deh si schaatje pup di atas baju oma yang Prada. Pinter banget sih maunya pup di atas barang mahal. Cucu siapa dulu dooong”. Gitu kali kira2 pembicaraannya ya.
Bapak ibu saya punya reaksi yang sama pada si kunkun. Setiap kali temperamen bapak saya agak kumat, atau ibu saya lagi bete di kantor, cerita2 kecil mengenai kenakalan si kunkun di hari itu selalu sukses membuat mereka tersenyum kembali.
Teman saya bilang “wah, ndied, beneran pengen cucu itu artinya”. Astaganaga. Matilah saya.
Selain saya sering mati gaya di depan anak kecil, rasanya lahir bathin kok ya belum siap untuk memunculkan andied-andied kecil di dunia ini.
Saya masih terlalu egois dan terlalu apatis. Gimana mau ngajarin anaknya kalau ibunya juga belum (sepenuhnya) matang?

Jadi ma, pa, berapa ekor kucing yang kalian mau (sambil menunggu)?